Burden of Trust
by Resonae
Summary: Dr. Shearing's attempt at viraling Aaron out didn't work as well as they'd liked, and as a result they were caught. Aaron manages to break free and find Jason, but nightmares still haunt him and all Jason wants to do is make everything better. Rape, sort of bipolar disorder.


i own nothing.

* * *

Sometimes, Jason wonders at the limits of cruelty.

Time and time again he'd thought he'd seen the limit, that he'd seen it all, yet there is living proof in front of him that _no_, he has not seen the limit.

Jason squeezes the cool water out of the towel before patting the sweat-soaked skin down. "Hey, hey, you're all right. I'm here."

Blue-gray-green eyes flutter open and stutter around for a bit until they come to rest on Jason. "I feel like shit." Jason sighs in relief. "Yeah, it's me. Aaron. Not Kenneth."

Aaron Cross and Kenneth Kitsom. They're the same person, and yet so different. Aaron has told him the story when they first met, of the doctor who tried to viral him out but didn't work as well as they'd hoped. The process had been too rushed, too hasty for it to work properly and now Aaron and Kenneth comes up in intervals.

He is still mostly Aaron, something Jason can tell Aaron is grateful for. They'd tried to make charts of Kenneth's coming and going, but Jason has been keeping steady charts for six months now and all he can tell is that there's no pattern at all.

And there's no pattern at all to Aaron's nightmares that always end up in fever. Jason has his own set of nightmares, but they're never like Aaron's. "Hold me." Aaron demands, and Jason does, dropping the towel back into the cold water. Aaron sighs into his chest as Jason folds around him.

It's not Aaron with the nightmares – it's Kenneth. Usually after the nightmares, Kenneth wakes up, scared and confused and crying. Sometimes he even wets the bed, which makes Aaron so angry at himself that he won't even talk to Jason for hours until Jason manages to slip his arms around Aaron's waist, pull him close and tell him _it's all right_.

They'd raped Aaron. Kenneth. Not _they_, Jason thinks. He. Eric Byer. He'd raped Kenneth. They'd been caught, both him and the doctor. The doctor hadn't stood a chance – she'd died, but they'd captured Aaron.

"Who are you?" Jason demanded as the man woke. He kept a gun trained steadily to his forehead. "How did you find me?"

He'd frisked the man for any sort of tracking gear, on his entire body and even pressing around his flesh to feel for anything irregular, but he'd found none. The only things he'd found were an untraceable cellphone and a paper map.

"Aaron Cross." The man coughed, shivering. "You got internet? Search my name and yours." Then he'd passed out again.

Jason didn't turn on the internet. Instead, when the man woke again, he pointed the gun again – and was awarded with a look of pure fear. "Sorry. Did I do something wrong?" The voice isn't the steady, strong one he'd heard a few hours ago, and Jason realizes it's sincere fear.

But before Jason can figure out _what the hell_, he's gone again under the catch of high fever.

It's not until a full 36 hours and 28 minutes later that the man is coherent. "You met Kenneth, huh?" He says when Jason hands him water. Jason raises an eyebrow. "You can trust me, you know. I'm Number 5."

"I looked through the files." Jason said. "I know who you are." He frowned at the computer that had been prepped open, hacked into Outcome files. Aaron Cross, previously Kenneth Kitsom. "Where are your pills?"

"Ran out." Cross said, staring up into the ceiling. "The doc tried to viral me out, but.. they got to us too fast. Sort of only half worked." His eyes slid back to Jason. "They killed her, and.." He swallowed thickly. "You know Byer?"

"The retired colonel."

"Yeah." Cross closed his eyes. "I remember everything that happens to me when I'm Kenneth. It's not like we're two different people. Just.. he just doesn't understand anything that happens. But I do when I'm back to being Aaron. Byer somehow got me trapped as Kenneth, when he had me." He swallowed thickly. "He raped me. Kenneth. Whatever. Fucked me raw."

They had sex. Often.

It left almost perpetual red scratches on Jason's back and finger-sized bruises all over Aaron's hips. It had started as a way to distract each other from their nightmares, but now they just found themselves tangled in the sheets, sweaty.

"Harder." Aaron coaxed, tugging on Jason's waist by wrapping his legs around him. His nails dug into Jason's back but Jason couldn't care less as he sought out Aaron's lips, gripping harder into Aaron's hips to get a better hold. Apparently his _harder_ wasn't hard enough, because Aaron let out a frustrated growl and snapped his hips up to meet Jason's thrusts, gripping harder into Jason's shoulders.

Jason bit down onto a muscular shoulder, and Aaron gnawed at his collarbone in response. "Gonna come." Jason growled,

"Not inside. And _touch_ me fuck damn it." Jason obediently snaked his arm around to take Aaron's own hardness into his hand. Their breaths echoed in desperate pants until Aaron gave a choked cry and bit down hard on Jason's collar, back tossing upward as he came. Jason managed to pull out at the last second as the muscles clamped viciously down on him, pushing him over the edge all over Aaron's stomach. "Gross." Aaron grinned lazily at him.

Jason grabbed the nearest towel and wiped down the flat stomach. "Half of it is yours." He pointed out, and Aaron rolled his eyes.

"What are you workin' on?" Jason looked up to find Aaron – no, it was Kenneth – bundled up in one of his larger coats, shuffling his bare feet on the wooden floor.

Jason frowned and tugged Kenneth onto the nearest chair. "Ken, I told you not to walk around barefoot. You'll catch a cold." He pulled open a drawer full of thick socks he kept just because Kenneth tended to walk around barefoot. He pulled the socks onto Kenneth's feet, massaging them gently to warm them up. "Look, they're like ice."

Kenneth burrowed his nose into Jason's coat. "I like it when you put socks on me."

Jason smiled up at Kenneth and pecked his cheek. "Then ask me next time. Don't walk around barefoot." He stood back up and returned to the vials he was poring over.

"Whachu doin'?"

"Trying to figure out a way to viral you out." Jason answered, adjusting his microscope.

"To make me smarter."

"That's right." Jason responded, looking up to Kenneth. Kenneth's eyes were downcast, and he was shuffling his feet on the floor. "What's wrong?" He frowned and went up to Kenneth, running his fingers through blonde hair. "Hey, Ken, look at me. What's wrong?"

Kenneth fidgeted for a while, and he poked around the wooden floor with his socked toes. "You don't like me the way I am now?"

Jason frowned. "Wha- I think you're perfect the way you are, but you were the one who wanted this, remember?"

Kenneth nodded, and he went back to shuffling his toes on the wooden floor.

"I want to know what that was about." Jason said, when Kenneth woke up in the morning and he was Aaron again. Aaron rubbed his forehead, looking tired. "Tell me. There's no reason for me to be trying this if you don't want this. I think you're fine the way you are. I'm not a scientist; I don't feel comfortable testing these things on you even if we do get somewhere."

Aaron said nothing for a while, but let out an exasperated sigh and flopped back on the bed. "It's complicated."

"I'm listening."

"It's just… It's a matter of trust, all right? I don't mind – I mean.. Kenneth is who I am. Who I was. This, me, as Aaron? That's – that's a lie. I'm an artificial being." He shook his head when Jason tried to speak up. "But I can't – people judge. And not only that, people… you know. Do things."

Jason froze. "Are you suggesting that I'd – judge you or… or do what Byer did?"

Aaron glared at him. "No, you dumbass. And that – that's the problem. I trust you with my life. I trust you with – with everything I've got, all right?" He sat up and buried his face in his palms. "People don't like that. They can't stand that much trust. They leave. I don't want you to.."

Jason leaned over, pushed Aaron onto his back and pressed their lips together. It was a gentle, soft kiss, not the desperate one they usually shared. He felt Aaron smile underneath him, and Aaron's hands came around his shoulders. "I'd never leave you." He said when they parted, touching their foreheads together. Green-blue-gray sparkled up at him. "It goes both ways, you know. I trust you with my life. And everything I've got."

"Even if I turn retarded full-time?"

Jason kissed him again. "I'll take good care of you, Aaron. No matter how you are."

After Aaron got away from Byer's clutches but before he found Jason, Aaron tucked himself into the darkest corners. He never knew when he would slip back into being Kenneth, would still didn't quite understand what was happening. He'd come back to Aaron in the middle of nowhere, sweating and crying and vomiting from nightmares.

He shoved himself deeper along the hay in the barn and clutched at his arms. He could feel Byer's rough hands, hitting him, slapping him, _punishing_ him for not listening. _You had a test, Kenneth, and you failed it. This is your punishment._

He could feel the rough, painful push of a foreign person into his body. He flinched violently and bit his lip to prevent a cry from spilling out of his lips. He had to sleep. Had to.

"You've been a bad boy, Kenneth, haven't you?"

Kenneth shook his head violently, crying and choking on tears. He tried to move away from the rough hands hurting him, but the shackles and ropes held him tightly in place. He tried to beg for everything to _stop_, but he was gagged and it made his jaw ache.

"You kidnapped one of our doctors.. ran away from us. That's not good." There was a mockingly disappointed sigh and the silver-haired man clicked his tongue. His hand moved and Kenneth struggled again as the vibrator was pumped in and out of him. "Stay still, Kenneth. You're going to hurt yourself more if you move."

He was right – the shackles were cutting into his wrists and ankles and the collar choked him more as he moved, but Kenneth couldn't stop. He felt like he was being torn in two with every rough thrust inside him.

His struggles were met with a sigh. "If you must, Kenneth. Don't say I didn't warn you."

Kenneth blinked, trying to clear his eyes of tears so he could figure out what was happening. But before he could, a searing pain shot up his spine and Kenneth screamed around his gag. There was something _else_ inside him, something hot and burning and throbbing. He choked on his screams as he struggled, and the choke collar tightened with every movement until he started to see black.

"Aaron!"

Aaron swung out, but it was caught easily. He would have tensed and swung out his leg, but he blinked and Jason's worried face was staring down at him, his fist caught loosely in his hand. "Fuck." He said. "Fuck, that's a first." With you, he added mentally, but Jason eyed him warily. "Okay, it's a first with you."

"I thought you were Kenneth the whole time when he.. did that to you." Jason reached up and hesitated. "Aaron, you're… crying." He caught Aaron's hands as they hastily moved up, and instead thumbed his cheeks gently. "What happened?"

Aaron sighed and dug into Jason's arms. "Nightmares. I used to have them when I was looking for you. I thought they stopped when I found you. I dunno. I felt – when I was alone, I felt like I was becoming Kenneth little by little. I didn't know what would happen if… if, you know. I became him completely and I hadn't found you. Byer would have tracked me down for sure. And killed me. Or worse. I dunno. I was scared. But then I met you and I felt _safe_, so only Kenneth's been having them, but.." He trailed off, unsure.

Jason frowned down at him. "Why are you having – is this because of the conversation we just had? Are you – you're still scared that I'd leave, aren't you?"

"I'm not." Aaron sighed, rubbing his forehead. "It's just – I dunno. I guess I was. But I'm not. I swear." Jason stayed silent, and then suddenly flipped Aaron over. Aaron would have reacted reflexively with anyone else, but sadly _number 1_ was better than _number 5_. Not to mention bigger. "What?" Aaron said, when Jason grinned down at him.

Jason kissed him again, just as gently and lovingly as he had a few hours ago. "I'm going to _show_ you how much I love you."

Aaron frowned in confusion until Jason's hand crept into his hand, and he laughed. "Yeah? Bring it on."


End file.
